How Do You Talk To Yourself?
5 Steps to Becoming Aware of & Creating Better Self Talk
1. Did you know that 95% of our thinking is unconscious?
When we actually bring awareness to our thoughts throughout the day, we start to notice an inner voice. And that inner voice provides a running monologue throughout our days. This inner voice combines conscious thoughts with unconscious beliefs (which we learned at a very young age) in a way that allows our brains to interpret and process daily circumstances or experiences.
2. Have you ever paid attention to this inner voice?
Sometimes it may be happy, cheerful, kind and supportive. While other times it may be more negative, self defeating and repetitive. It can be very useful when it’s positive, encouraging and creating confidence. However, we are creatures of habit and prone to negative self talk. This negative self talk can run on an unconscious loop and cause stress and anxiety if not properly managed.
3. This negative self talk often doesn’t reflect our reality, but instead paralyzes us into inaction.
Often this "inner critic" voice is reacting from ( an unconscious) perceived fear and trying to protect us from shame or a sense of failure that may be on a repetitive loop. Other times this inner critic may be used how to push ourselves to develop more self-discipline. It may be a way to try and "save" you from discomfort by trying to recognize our perceived weaknesses before others do in order to address them and push forward. Over time, however the negativity of a critical self takes an emotional toll.
4. We don’t have to believe everything we think
And yet we often have no idea that by bringing awareness to this voice, some of these thoughts may not be in service to our greater purpose (or even our daily routine). We have become accustomed to simply believing this voice without bringing awareness to how/why it is showing up in our reality and what results it is producing in our lives.
5. What if we challenged the voice in our head ?
What if we had tools to challenge the thoughts that keep us from reaching our fullest potential? What if we knew we did not have to believe that inner chatter or critic? What if we were in the driver's seat of these voices and could choose what to listen to and when to listen?
Intention: We can intentionally begin choosing thoughts on purpose. We can drive our thoughts and choose thoughts that are empowering, positive and less critical. Imagine, when we do this consciously, what would our lives be like?
In short, they would be amazing…right?! We could do whatever we wanted to do in life. We would have energy, freedom and space to live, love and lead.
Lucky for us all….we do have these tools and can practice conscious self-talk. In the video, I discuss a few steps to start bringing awareness to your self talk, how it shows up in your life and ways to intentionally choose thoughts that create the results that you want instead.
Let's do this...
Self-Talk
Action Step: Become the WATCHER of your thoughts:
FREE printable pdf: TOOLS FOR SUPPORTIVE SELF TALK
1. In a moment where you can focus on your thoughts- write them down. Thoughts are simply sentences in our minds.
2. Write in third person such as, "Kristine is anxious right now because ________. She thinks ____________." (We are doing this without judgment. Just notice} * Remember, when you can hear the thought-it means you are not the actual thought , rather, you are the listener, and can choose to listen or.not.
3. Give this "voice thinker" a name such as: Mean girl from high school- Nancy.This will help you identify this same voice tone in the future.
4. Get curious about your thoughts and ask questions--where did they come? Whose voice are they from my childhood maybe? Keep naming them and separating from their influence. When you identify an especially negative voice, practice releasing this just as you would walk away from someone saying these negative words to you in person.